Monday, June 19, 2006


Teacher, there are things...

As I said, I had my English test on Wednesday.

The night before the test had been spent on restless thoughts and worries, thanks to a harsh discussion I'd had and to some hours of non-stop crying, and the following morning I was tired beyond imagination.

The exam started with British precision at 9.00 am, and went on until lunch break, at 1.00 pm.

During this time I succeded in:
1) falling asleep with my head on the desk. The girl who was sitting next to me thought I was "very relaxed".. God help
2) writing one of the best compositions of my life, which oozed with irony and wit in every word. And my only thought was "it would fit the blog perfectly... will they let me have a copy?.."
3) deciding I'm too old to take any exam. I even failed the blood tests, what the heck did I want to do there????

After lunch, there was another 80 (yeah, EIGHTY) questions about grammar and use of English. At the end of the test I was so weary I could hardly think straight. Nonetheless I seemed to be able of thinking in some way, as my mind went on producing nightmarish pictures of me being laughed at by all the teachers and the students in the school.

The last part of the test, on Thursday, was about listening and speaking (things we all should be supposed to do exactly in THAT order). The speaking test was scheduled in the afternoon, so before going to school I took a break in a local cafeteria with Bee and her daughter.. and it took me a breathless run to be back there on time.

The girl who had been designed to be my partner was already waiting for me in the hall. I was a bit nervous and therefore a bit more silent than usual, so when I got in the room I just said "Ciao"
(I want to make this point very clear: I'm Italian, all the students there were Italian, the test was made for "English Second Language Students". Me and that girl, we were ALONE in the room. Clear? ok. fine.)

She couldn't say anything nearly as trivial as "ciao", of course. She couldn't just nod and smile silently meaning "hi, I'm nervous too, let's just hope we can go through it". Not at all. She spoke, lightspeed, almost without breathing. What I say, spoke. She erupted as a volcano, she exploded like a rocket. "ohmypartnerfinallyhasarrived!!!!!!Iwasalittlebitworriedyousee!!!excusemeifIspeakEnglishrightfromthestartbutifIstartspeakingItalianthanit'sover!!!!!!"

ok. If this was meant to frighten me to death, guys, that's exactly what was happening.

A second later I was sitting in front of three-women-three, pale as ghosts, who asked us the typical questions you expect to hear in a test like that. You know, things like "what is the decision you've made that you can say has changed your life?" or "do you think God exists? if so, why am I here and not on a tropical beach?"

After 15 minutes of this wonderfully enjoyable repertoire, I was allowed to leave. What a pity... time goes by so fast when you're having fun with friends, uh?

Now. The exam is over, I won't have the results until September. A whole summer during which I'll spread my awful English around the web, until The Judgment comes.

Watch out, you people out there. It could be infectious!

Today's title: One more try - George Michael

Monday, June 12, 2006


You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm...

The skin on my back doesn't look like a giant pizza anymore, but my body doesn't seem to recover from godknowswhat. While I'm trying to collect the money to take some bloody, ehm, blood test, my liver has decided to go on a strike. I'm always tired and weary, sleepy and weak. Now I'm at the desk but I'd rather be in bed, taking a nap, as I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Wednesday I'm taking my English exam. I'm afraid I won't make it, as I haven't studied that much and I can't seem to concentrate (see above).

Lots of people have come and gone in the last two weeks. Some of them made me smile, some of them had me so mad I could have killed them. Some of them have let me down very badly. Some have pleasantly surprised me.

Me, I've deserved kisses and slaps on the face just like everybody else.

So the following is not exactly a complaint, nor a blame; I simply think people do what they do. Most of the times they hurt you because they're hurt.
But sometimes it's more than one can bear. So no criticism. Just a matter-of-factly way to describe how life's going here..

5) Thomas has proved himself to be very disrespectful, to say the least, and with a tendency to make up stories in his own brain, regardlessly of the most elementary truth, that borders on insanity. He's a guru in making up fights, act as a drama queen, insult you in both subtle and direct ways and then play the part of the tiny blossom who's been hurt by the cruel and chilly witch from the North (me, in this case). Unbearable. Much more so because I've been so silly to let him behave like this for months before deciding I'd had enough.

4) The sweatshirt man seems to be gone for a while. He's a good guy but really needs a shrink. The more people get closer, the more he treats them like crap for his rage and fear of being left alone. And when obviously most of the people leave, he gets angrier and sadder because "what did I tell you? nodoby loves me..." A shrink. Now. Please. We could arrange a group discount for him, Thomas and...

3) Mr.Charmes is spiting in the face of God. Just hope God's looking somewhere else. Or has a huge handkerchief and a very bad memory.

2) Bee has come back. I still don't know how I feel about seeing her again. I've missed her so much, as she says she's missed me, but I'm having some trouble in forgiving her. She's too easy on some things, and I'm not so good in letting go. We'll see what happens.

1) My American friend's friend must be completely nuts. After scaring the sh** out of me with that email about testaments and stuff, he's decided to "stop messing with xxx's life" and disappeared. Simple as this. Now I still don't have any news about anything, and I can't do anything.

If I gave credit to anyone of the above mentioned crazy people, I'd be locked in a room with padded walls. To avoid this, I'm baking tons of pizza, planting begonias and basil on my terrace and taking care of my home. Tonight I'll be at a friend's house to watch the football game on tv. I'll take an apple crumb and the best of my smiles. You won't be able to tell which one of the two is the sweetest...
Title from: Des'ree - You gotta be

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