Tuesday, May 16, 2006

 

..it's all right, I'm just weary to my bones


My head is numb. Better, it's full of crazy bees that fly frantically and buzz loudly. I still am unable to break free from the pain that Mr.Charmes' loss has caused me. I could write tons about the reasons why I feel the way I do, but I don't want to overanalyse, not now.

It's late at night and my whole day has been a fight , I'm tired and weary and I'm losing hope to feel any different.

Lord, it can't go on like this forever.. good things don't last forever, and so should bad things... easy to say, hard to believe..

The house is silent, the cats are quietly resting, my room is tidier than I remembered. It's time to stop this struggle within and breathe. So I sit down facing the white wall and trying to let the thoughts go by. They're sticky and toxic, and they're killing me. Slowly.

Inhale

Exhale

Meditation is over. So is my excruciating pain.
The ashes are still hot but there are no more flames. Hope it lasts until tomorrow.

I open the book on my bedside table. One sentence above the others captures my eyes.

Don't love anything so much that you become its slave.

I close the book. Last thing I put my eyes on before turning off the lights is the enso hangin on the wall.

It's been a good day, in the end.

-------------------

title from: American Tune - Simon&Garfunkel


Comments:
You cannot rationalise the irrational; let the emotions flow freely from the deepest you to the outside. They have been very useful companions, but you don't need them anymore.
Let them go.
 
"Don't love anything so much that you become its slave"

Absolutely true. So well said.
 
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