lust but not least

.. in a river or a creek but it wouldn't thrill me half as much as dancing cheek to cheek..

He was 46 at that time. He had a wife, two sons, a great job, a sucking life. The full package.

I was 29. No children, no satisfaction at work, no satisfaction in bed. The full package.

We both thought at first that the passion between us wouldn't have gone further than that: a strong attraction, a mischievous funny game we had played during our first visit into a chat website.
And I wouldn't be fair if I said Goldfish took advantage on me. I ran into our affair full speed, just like him, and we both ended up head over heels.
I loved his humour and his savoir faire. He liked my wit and my charme. We were perfect together, and this showed from our very first meeting.

We met as often as we could, I always had my suitcase ready and don't know how many hours I spent in different airports during those years..

Living in different cities spared us all that crap about meeting by chance in a mall, me with my friends, him with his family... Jeez, I could have died... But, as every woman who's ever loved a married man knows, he wasn't there for Christmas, nor for my birthday and so on. I soon grew tired of the absence but couldn't make without him and his affection. You know, it's the same old story..

We had 4 years of deep love, marvellous trips around Italy and great sex. He made me hungry for him like I had never been before, we spent hours in bed, laughing, cuddling and making the most intimate love we had had in all our life. Once we both fell asleep while kissing and woke up hours later, our lips still sealed in the sweetest of the kisses. That is actually one of the most tender moments I recall, opening our eyes in amazement and hugging tight before making love again.
We bought each other tons of books and other little presents, we talked about anything, from politics to religion, from art to food.
We're both of the gourmet kind, and every time we ate out we really had a ball.

We tried breaking up several times, but always ended up meeting again, sooner or later.

About one year ago we broke up for good.

He is a very good person. But, though he's a great father, he's a total wreck of an adult partner.
Younger than his wife, he's still childish when it comes to relationships.
He's totally unable to manage his feelings AND his life, and the road from his brain to his heart is still a total bumpy mess.

We're in touch again, now that I can talk to him with my heart beating slow and my emotions in control. He still says that I really move him, that my voice over the phone makes him tremble in emotion... yep. Right. But our time is over and I - at least - know it.

I don't regret a single tear I've shed for him, neither I feel any remorse for having been involved with a married man for so long. His marriage didn't need me to be considered a farce. I'm thankful for all the happiness I felt and all the things I've come to know about myself and my reactions and emotions as a woman and a human being. Even if it took me eons, some 15 lbs lost and a bleeding heart to tear him from me.

Now I've learnt a useful lesson about my deepest needs and while he's still there fancing tender memories I prefer to live a real life.

As good as it gets.