Thursday, March 30, 2006
Hush now
It's no secret that the last six months have been kind of a rollercoaster ride for me. After all the crying (much), laughing (not so much), lovemaking and love searching, now it's time to pace down and be with myself.
I did a lot of thinking during last week, and this is one of the reasons I haven't written anything up until now. I was too busy trying to sort out my thoughts (and working like a dog, to be true).
Reality is snowing inside my heart in tiny flakes. At first they melted in touching me. Now they're too many and they're a cold but soft cover that I can't ignore anymore. Just like snowflakes, every truthflake is different from the others, it would take a lifetime to examine them all. The bigger ones are easy to recognize though not so easy to manage. One is "being single", one is "Mr.Charmes' new girlfriend", another one is "Mr.Charmes being unfit for me, in the end".
Smaller ones are about subtler things, about my perception of myself and my ability to live with and within myself. I know it may sound obvious to many, but it never occured to me that, as long as I take care of myself I may be alone but I'll never be lonely. It's like I've always needed someone else to trace my outline. As if I couldn't paint myself on my own. The truth held in this flake is that everyone can perfectly be contained within themselves, we don't need anyone else building a fence for our cattle to be safe. We are our own fence. We protect our own cattle. Well, this may sound a bit too City Slickers, but it gives the idea, doesn't it?...
Anyway, during this truthfall the only thing I feel like doing is to live quietly and read inspiring books. Breathe deeply. Meet people without being caught by them. I need to keep a clear eye on myself and on these flakes.
I'm confident that springtime is coming. I can almost hear the sound of the first flower of hope springing up through the snowy cover. All I have to do is keep silent and focused.
The sun is warm and the ice is melting. So hush. And let the miracle begin.
-----------------------------------------------------
title from: Don't explain - Herzog/Holiday
I did a lot of thinking during last week, and this is one of the reasons I haven't written anything up until now. I was too busy trying to sort out my thoughts (and working like a dog, to be true).
Reality is snowing inside my heart in tiny flakes. At first they melted in touching me. Now they're too many and they're a cold but soft cover that I can't ignore anymore. Just like snowflakes, every truthflake is different from the others, it would take a lifetime to examine them all. The bigger ones are easy to recognize though not so easy to manage. One is "being single", one is "Mr.Charmes' new girlfriend", another one is "Mr.Charmes being unfit for me, in the end".
Smaller ones are about subtler things, about my perception of myself and my ability to live with and within myself. I know it may sound obvious to many, but it never occured to me that, as long as I take care of myself I may be alone but I'll never be lonely. It's like I've always needed someone else to trace my outline. As if I couldn't paint myself on my own. The truth held in this flake is that everyone can perfectly be contained within themselves, we don't need anyone else building a fence for our cattle to be safe. We are our own fence. We protect our own cattle. Well, this may sound a bit too City Slickers, but it gives the idea, doesn't it?...
Anyway, during this truthfall the only thing I feel like doing is to live quietly and read inspiring books. Breathe deeply. Meet people without being caught by them. I need to keep a clear eye on myself and on these flakes.
I'm confident that springtime is coming. I can almost hear the sound of the first flower of hope springing up through the snowy cover. All I have to do is keep silent and focused.
The sun is warm and the ice is melting. So hush. And let the miracle begin.
-----------------------------------------------------
title from: Don't explain - Herzog/Holiday
Comments:
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It's me checking in and wondering if you are having my favorite spring Italian food, cuore de carciofo????
Oh how I loved them.
Filippo
Oh how I loved them.
Filippo
nice to hear from you, F.
carciofi is not exactly a spring food, actually.. anyway, last night I had a great pizza with carciofi...
carciofi is not exactly a spring food, actually.. anyway, last night I had a great pizza with carciofi...
spring! at last! (or, at least, in your heart...) and Pizza with Carciofi.
What more can one wish for?
dabogirl
What more can one wish for?
dabogirl
# posted by 
: 2:12 PM
: 2:12 PM
@emanuele - life's been a huge mess, lately.. have had no time to write - nor to sleep, actually...
as for partying...think I'll wait for things to calm down a bit.. I'm afraid mr.Banana has some ace up his sleeve...
as for partying...think I'll wait for things to calm down a bit.. I'm afraid mr.Banana has some ace up his sleeve...
by the way: happy Easter, or Spring, or whatever you celebrate these days. Because you deserve to celebrate. You do.
# posted by : 3:55 PM
: 3:55 PM
by the way: happy Easter, or Spring, or whatever you celebrate these days. Because you deserve to celebrate. You do.
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# posted by : 3:55 PM
: 3:55 PM << Home
