lust but not least

I know I haven't written a single word after my date with Thomas, so now I'll have to fill the void before adding the last events..

We went out on Wednesday night, as you know. We had planned to meet at 10 p.m. and I had thought there would have been plenty of time for me to have dinner, take a shower, get my hair done and all the rest.. Yeah. The light went off at 8.45. No hot water, no hairdryer, no LIGHT!!
Ok, girl, think of McGyver and solve this problem...
Setting the house on fire with some petrol and a match was a bit too zealous of a solution just to have the mirror well lit in order to wear some make up...
I stuffed a bag with some clothes, cosmethics, underwear, shoes and off I went, in the chilly night, to get a shower at my mom's. Needless to say, I was in a desperate hurry, and all my efforts to relax before our meeting disappeared in the blink of an eye.

Thanks to the god of hastiness and in spite of all the mess I had left behind me, we really spent a nice evening chatting and laughing and so. He turned out to be quite similar to what I had imagined, which means sensitive, funny, smart and quiet. I felt at ease right from the start, we sat very close thought I felt so comfortable I couldn' believe it. I mean, I'm not familiar with being so "phisically" at ease with strangers, so I was quite surprised.
When we took me back to my car I thought he was going to kiss me. He didn't.
Which disappointed me a bit at first, even if I still can't tell if I wanted him to do it or not.
(oh, I know you think I'm nuts... don't waste your time calling a shrink, I'm already seeing one...)
Anyway driving back home I thought it was better that way, it made things simpler to manage for me and blah blah. And most of all I thought I was so naive to expect things to always end up in such an expected way.
On Thursday morning he sent me an email and I found out he had felt the same about being so at ease, relaxed and...all the rest!
He really wanted to kiss me, but restrained himself as he didn't want to "spoil anything".
Lord, I thought, he is *so* cautious... this is no subject for us to talk, this is something that should either happen or not, I'm not going to chat over it!! So I dropped the argument and on we went with our daily mail routine.

Nice start so far, you could think. And it was.

I mean, apart from the fact that he pried into my blog, found my answer to rQm comment (which was actually meant to be ironic) and put up such a fight (via e-mail, my goodness...) that I almost cried in anger!
I'll spare you the dramatic details, but somehow we made it through this and planned to meet on Saturday night.
He volunteered an Indian dinner at his flat and a movie on the couch. Yeah. Right. Know what you're all thinking. Only Little Red Riding Hood would have believed it. I mean, "a movie on the couch"... come on...
But, as he really gave me the impression to be a bit shy, I thought I could take the risk and maybe stop him gently if I didn't want anything to happen. Look, he's nice and caring and stuff, but he's not exactly the kind of person I could have a long relationship with. Not anymore. He strongly reminds me of the person I was only a few years ago, so cautious and picky at the same time... I don't know, this is something that really makes me feel awkward..

random thought --After Mr.I-don't-love-you-Charmes, I'm afraid I'll end up engaged with some cutie pie like Hulk or He-man.. you know, not to loose that "I'm in such a fury I could kill you" treatment which seemed to be my cup of (poisoned) tea in the last two months with him...

So on Saturday night I went to Thomas' flat carrying a bottle of wine, the worst creme caramel I've ever made and a lot of wrong impressions in my head.
He opened the door and kissed me gently on the lips. Simple as this. And I felt a perfect moron. Good start, girl, good start.
We had dinner - a delicious chicken madras with basmati rice - talked a lot and then chilled out on the couch, listening to music and talking over and over. Two glasses of red wine had made me drowsy and a bit too easygoing but I really felt good, as I couldn't fear anything from him.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAHHH!!!! You've never laughed so hard, have you?
Well, I won't go into any detail (no, I won't, don't insist!) but we had some 4 hours of really great sex. He wasn't really different in bed, I mean, still very very sensitive and stuff, but he showed some more... ehm... male energy, I'd say!

So this is the news. After 25 days of mourning I had sex with a nice man and I deeply enjoyed it.
My scars are still so tender and I'm more fragile than ever. The very thought of Mr.Charmes has me suffering for all I've lost.

But at least one thing is for sure. There are men out there who are willing to treat me right and make me queen for a night, even if they're not in love with me. Because I'm good enough to be cared for.

Thomas calls me "Gorgeous", and even if I know he's somehow kiddin, I'm happy he does. I need to be chased up a bit, with no strings attached or serious relationships, only genuine passion and friendship.

So, this is how it goes at the moment. I do need to put some order in my heart and mind. While I wait for Wolverine to come and marry me..