Saturday, December 10, 2005
Erase or rewind
I didn't vanish in the air as I wanted. Nor I left him without any word. He didn't let me the time to do it.
I picked up the phone thinking it was my mommy with the daily rate of bad news - my family's going through a real hard time - but it was him instead.
I thought he didn't call me on the cell phone cause he felt I was plotting something and feared I wouldn't have answered if I had seen his number. Not that I said anything, but he still feels my thoughts, a bit more clearly everyday.
He didn't leave me much time to think or to talk, he apologized for the fight we had and told me he feels confused by what is happening. He said we're both walking on some sort of minefield, for this situation is new for the both of us and we're both feeling strange, but he wants to keep walking holding my hand, being true, wearing no mask.
He won me, I admit that.
I still think this is a dead end road, and he's a bit too comfortable in this role, with few duties and lots of rights... it'd be so so easy for him to run away again at the first sign of what he thinks it's danger...
I'm such a spineless slug at times!
Anyway, I'm waiting for my counselling session on Tuesday before even breathing in his direction. I'm completely lost in my fears and thoughts, anything I could do now would be wrong. In any way.
Christmas time just makes things worse.
I picked up the phone thinking it was my mommy with the daily rate of bad news - my family's going through a real hard time - but it was him instead.
I thought he didn't call me on the cell phone cause he felt I was plotting something and feared I wouldn't have answered if I had seen his number. Not that I said anything, but he still feels my thoughts, a bit more clearly everyday.
He didn't leave me much time to think or to talk, he apologized for the fight we had and told me he feels confused by what is happening. He said we're both walking on some sort of minefield, for this situation is new for the both of us and we're both feeling strange, but he wants to keep walking holding my hand, being true, wearing no mask.
He won me, I admit that.
I still think this is a dead end road, and he's a bit too comfortable in this role, with few duties and lots of rights... it'd be so so easy for him to run away again at the first sign of what he thinks it's danger...
I'm such a spineless slug at times!
Anyway, I'm waiting for my counselling session on Tuesday before even breathing in his direction. I'm completely lost in my fears and thoughts, anything I could do now would be wrong. In any way.
Christmas time just makes things worse.
