Tuesday, November 15, 2005

 

waking up with the house on fire

I let him in. Last friday. It was 2 in the morning when he called. I went to bed at 1.30 or so, and fell asleep in the middle of a sweet but hot fantasy about undressing him. So when the phone rang and I heard his voice it felt, don't know, as a prosecution of my thoughts.
He blah blah-ed something about a file he wanted to install on my pc, I thought he was kidding and asked where he was. I'm at your door.. Can I come upstairs? he said. Yes was the answer.
The facts showed he wasn't kidding at all. He had bought some book on the web and wanted to upload it to my pc. Nice, uh? At 2 am, to his ex-whatever, with no advice at all. Great.

There are situations in which I behave like I have no feelings. Like I'm anesthetized. Maybe it's because of my need to keep things in control, don't know. The frenzier things get, the firmer and calmer I behave. So was yesterday night.

He was tired, half asleep, with a pain in the back from a clumsy jump he took. We talked for a while and chilled out on the bed. Not that I believed for a single second that it was a normal situation, I'm not that nuts. Anyway, I decided to let things go, just wanted to see where they went.

Rambling thoughts:
- is he willing to make love to me? if so, let's save our time and DO IT
- did he just came to upload that file?? Ok, I'll have him locked in the proper asylum and throw away the key.
- does he really think I want to chat at 2 am after a week's work on my shoulders???
- is he really just looking for a good massage and a warm hug? Miss Nightingale's always there when you need her, uh?
- Lord, I'm such a boneless crap, strike me to my roots with a lightning and take me to the skies.

Needless to say, one thing leads to another, we had wonderful sex. Talked for a while afterwards. Hugged and cuddled. Everything a couple should do on a friday night. Except we're not in love and we're not a couple.
So what are we?
Friends? not yet.
Lovers? not enough to explain
Are we just two kids playing adults? Is this mess just the proof we're not so good in parting nor in being sharp?

I could paint his face by heart. I can read his mind and I know that he's crazy about it. I can nurture, caress, hug him like the essence of motherhood, yet can make him so horny he can't stay still. I can stare at him while he sleeps and wake him up with the slightest kiss. I play with his body like no one else has ever had. I stand tall when he vents about his troubles and doubts. I can bear him never calling me, even if it hurts. I can even take that he'll be someone else's soon. Much too soon.

One thing I cannot do.

I can't stand the sight of his back, when he leaves slightly hunched under the weight of what I can just guess are his thoughts. That he'll never share.

Comments:
Come se dice???

GREAT POST!

RQM
 
Grazie, Filippo!! Sei sempre il benvenuto. You're always that welcome!
 
What a beautifully written post!!!
 
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