Friday, October 21, 2005
Still sleeping, it seems
Today I started my morning here at work quickly reading some of my favourite blogs and rambling through the news. I casually met with this blog. I have to admit it was a perfect way to start (life knows so well what we really need) and that's where the quotations come from.
I don't feel like working at all. The new offices will be ok in a few days, we'll soon move there and... well, the new rooms already make us feel we're the stars of a fiction. Yeah, Six Feet Under, the corpse role. Lord, you ought to see it...the "open space project" has been dropped for weird wooden brown cubes. I wonder how we're going to even put desks in those microscopic niches where just an urn would fit!!!
Yeah, I shouldn't be so old fashioned, what's wrong in lighting candles and praying on the floor, surrounded by (tiny) flowers, just to say, instead of sitting at the desk for a change?
Don't want to sound too sarcastic but I've been in an awful mood for the last two days. I argued with one of my co-workers and wanted to fight with all the rest of them. Yesterday evening I lingered on the thought of choking one of the girls in my aquagym class - and folks, it felt soooo good just thinking of it.. - so maybe it's time for me to take a break. Try to have some real fun.
Which always leads to the same inner question: how on earth am I supposed to have fun or feel good without Mr.Charms????
"If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
~Abraham Maslow (1908-1970), American psychologist
I'm afraid this is the answer. I mean, I know perfectly well that I will have fun and feel good and lighthearted and so on and I hope it won't take too long. It's just that I can't feel it'll happen. It's just that being rejected makes me feel I'm the most unworthy trash in the universe, no matter what.
Things happen, if Mr.Charms doesn't love me anymore it doesn't mean that nobody will. He is not the problem. He is just the smaller part of it. It can sound obvious to many but no to me.
Don't get me wrong anyway. I deeply feel for him and I miss him so so badly it hurts at every breath. Clearly enough he does not and I have to face it. 'Cause this is my hammer and nail, the eternal dilemma: I could even face losing someone (sooner or later) but it seems I can't face being abandoned.
Not without some (lots) of the hard work mentioned below...
"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." ~Carl Jung, (1875-1961),Swiss psychiatrist, psychoanalyst
I don't feel like working at all. The new offices will be ok in a few days, we'll soon move there and... well, the new rooms already make us feel we're the stars of a fiction. Yeah, Six Feet Under, the corpse role. Lord, you ought to see it...the "open space project" has been dropped for weird wooden brown cubes. I wonder how we're going to even put desks in those microscopic niches where just an urn would fit!!!
Yeah, I shouldn't be so old fashioned, what's wrong in lighting candles and praying on the floor, surrounded by (tiny) flowers, just to say, instead of sitting at the desk for a change?
Don't want to sound too sarcastic but I've been in an awful mood for the last two days. I argued with one of my co-workers and wanted to fight with all the rest of them. Yesterday evening I lingered on the thought of choking one of the girls in my aquagym class - and folks, it felt soooo good just thinking of it.. - so maybe it's time for me to take a break. Try to have some real fun.
Which always leads to the same inner question: how on earth am I supposed to have fun or feel good without Mr.Charms????
"If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
~Abraham Maslow (1908-1970), American psychologist
I'm afraid this is the answer. I mean, I know perfectly well that I will have fun and feel good and lighthearted and so on and I hope it won't take too long. It's just that I can't feel it'll happen. It's just that being rejected makes me feel I'm the most unworthy trash in the universe, no matter what.
Things happen, if Mr.Charms doesn't love me anymore it doesn't mean that nobody will. He is not the problem. He is just the smaller part of it. It can sound obvious to many but no to me.
Don't get me wrong anyway. I deeply feel for him and I miss him so so badly it hurts at every breath. Clearly enough he does not and I have to face it. 'Cause this is my hammer and nail, the eternal dilemma: I could even face losing someone (sooner or later) but it seems I can't face being abandoned.
Not without some (lots) of the hard work mentioned below...
"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." ~Carl Jung, (1875-1961),Swiss psychiatrist, psychoanalyst
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I like that last quote - who looks inside awakens. I am what I am, it is what it is, nothing more. Can't force love. Dreaming is looking out. I like that too, because it means the possibilities are endless, the sky's the limit.
Best of luck as you move on in your journey of self discovery. Thanks for posting on my humble blog. Now I can come back and check on yours from time to time to see how you're doing.
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Best of luck as you move on in your journey of self discovery. Thanks for posting on my humble blog. Now I can come back and check on yours from time to time to see how you're doing.
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